PANIQUE!

Sleepless nights have found me as the reality of what I have done and am about to do sinks in. It doesn't help that a variety of things keep popping up to delay me learning French like, oh I don't know, my old and new computer taking a death dive which cost me a week. I was cramming before but now I'm just being stupid. Even my breaks are filled with French as I walk around the house naming things I know and noting things I don't. The latter list is obviously longer than the first and for some reason Spanish is filtering in. Somehow I find it easier to translate English into Spanish and then work that mish mash into French. My head aches as the muscle between my ears works out as if it's on the "Biggest Loser."

"You're weak! Weak I tell you! How did you get so damn ass fat?!"

Luckily I don't know how to say that in French or else I'm sure I'd be ridiculing myself as if a native condemning a brightly colored ball hat-wearing tourist. I try to give myself some credit along the way and tell myself that the real learning can't begin until I get there and that I'm doing just fine. Then I think of getting there and I feel a sense of, oh what is that word...panic. I swear to God I've gotten nervous before but this sensation of panic is something I've never had to deal with. For example, I was on a red eye straight from Los Angeles when we lost an engine shortly after take-off, you know that thing that keeps us in the air? We find out it's catastrophic and that we are going in and and we are going in fast. What does a sane person do? Panic, yes, think of a loved one, most likely, shoot tequila and shake hands with the devil, if there's time. What did I do? I looked at the girl beside me, put out my hand with a huge grin and said, "Hi, my name's Eric, I just might be the last person you ever talk to." Needless to say she did what any human would or should do and burst into tears.

Where does this panic come from? I think it stems from the fact that the only English word my new boss knows is, non, and that's because it's the same damn word, well, sounds the same I mean if you forget the nasal twist that it has and you ignore the spelling. Now do you see, I am in way over my head! To make matters worse all I know is that I'm learning about wine and the wine business. What does that mean and will I know what it means when they are telling me what it means, you know what I mean? I know that most of the problem stems from me knowing and considering all this for way too damn long. I don't do well with the future, plans I mean. I like waking up, having some coffee, and asking myself "what is going to make Eric happy today?" Sometimes it's just a good breakfast across town and other times it's the need to drive across town and just keep going.

Ah but I know it's all going to be great. I'll have my ups and downs just like with anything in life and I'll come out richer for it. I mean think of this, that girl who I made cry on the plane, we got on the next flight and we laughed and drank and drank and laughed all the way to Detroit. It was a great night/morning that I'll never forget. Of course me being me I totally didn't get her number and never saw her again, so, if you're a cute girl who sat next to an asshole and got drunk after almost dying...call me.