MIND THE GAP

Sorry, one last thing about London. If I had never ridden another mass transit system like in NYC or Paris I would still think The Tube sucks. It's slow, very loud, sways as if it might leave the tracks and above all crazy expensive. For some reason they don't sell a three day pass like most cities do since, oh I don't know, most tourists come in for an f'n long weekend. In NYC when I was living there a three day pass was $7, a day pass in London is 7£ ($10.50) and that's if you don't leave during rush hour. The next step up is a week pass for 45£. I couldn't bear to look at what a month costs and I'm not exactly a person who thinks a lot on money.

To demonstrate what a sub standard system the whole thing is all you have to listen for is a pleasant sounding ladies voice say, "Mind the Gap," at every stop and she isn't kidding. I stepped up and over one spot that a person could have easily escaped into and started his own underground rodent empire. In NYC or Paris for that matter I'm not even sure if you could fit a shoe between most spots. I can see the court proceedings now, I'm going to picture them all with floured up wigs if you don' t mind.

"Sir, so you say your leg was sheered off by the train?"

"Yes."

"And you say you had both legs when you got on?"

"I think I'd notice one missing."

"So the said incident definitely happened upon departing the train?"

"Yes, my leg got caught in the space between the train and the platform."

"The gap?"

"Yes, the gap."

"Didn't you hear the pleasant lady say, mind the gap?"

"Well...yes."

"Case dismissed. He knew to mind the gap so it is his own fault that the gap was not minded!"

I'm also a bit of a germ phobe and the tube with all of it's cushioned dirty seats just looked contagious. I'm sure they had to add some comfort since it takes so long to get anywhere but I never found the plastic seats in NYC to be uncomfortable and I appreciated the fact that I knew what I was sitting on. Anything could be in those fibers and I suspect anything is. Maybe Purell could start selling ass liners like they have in airport bathrooms but now made exclusively for the Underground.