I woke up today with the strangest of cravings. It wasn’t Mexican food, a burger, or even a missed lover. It was for some reason the craving to watch really bad 80’s movies like Fast Times, Summer School, and Zapped. Zapped for some reason topped them all and I haven’t even seen that flick since it came out in ’82 at the local drive in. I mean really, when was the last time you even thought of Scott Baio?
So I thought, I wonder if I can explain this movie to my counterparts here on the vineyard. Has my French improved that much to where I can tell them that the main character in this movie literally “zaps” women’s clothes off? Luckily, in hindsight, we were set too far apart in the field for my first attempt and the closest person was a twenty two year old girl who speaks Russian and Beautiful fluently but I was pretty sure she’d have no interest in my experiment so I decided to wait for lunch. I mean who doesn’t want to hear about an aging American comedy involving nudity, photography, and implausible set ups? Pass the wine I got a story!
But a snag happened and that was once again the language had changed. No one was speaking French today. Some spoke German, others mostly Alsacien, and some not at all. So I thought, I’ll do it at dinner since the afternoon crew was going to be all women and I really didn’t want to creep them out with my stuttering French constantly invoking the word for “naked.”
Fast forward to dinner and for the love of God it’s Alsacien again. Yes, Alsacien is a language just as French, German, and English are for all that matters. It starts out with a whisper of French but ends with a decided, albeit weaker, finish of German. Needless to say I am nowhere near getting any of that and honestly haven’t even tried. This is when I realized that I if I want to really learn French I might have to move out of this province that has a decided history of going their own way. Later I leave dinner and all I could think was, how would I ever explain Chachi? Do any of you know he did an episode of Love Boat and Fantasy Island? How come Fantasy Island was never done as a movie? So I had my cravings of cinema today and I know I could hop online and harvest the movie from some website but I have a strict anti-piracy policy for myself so I’ll just have to wait for America.
On another note altogether, after spending all day out amongst the vines I came home with only my thumbs sunburned. I’m not even remotely kidding. How in the hell does that happen? They even poked fun at me during dinner because my thumbs were brilliantly red. It’s as if I walked around all day giving the thumbs up. I know right now I could make a Chachi and Fonz connection but I’ll leave it alone even though I really don’t want to.
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