1) I am not tall in Paris, merely average. I guess I am only tall in the countryside, which makes sense if I had any.
2) I still don’t physically fit into many things though, like most cars. I also have extreme difficulties with restrooms. When I sat in one at the hotel in Paris my forehead rested squarely against the wall. I ended up sliding the towel over a bit so I’d have a pillow. Also the showers are more than a bit undersized. Every time I would turn or reach or scrub I would hit the lever for the water effectively killing it. A five minute shower became thirty. I wish I were kidding. I feel very clumsy here, as I seem to be running into and over almost everything including one poor soul at the wine faire. She never stood a chance. I should probably start a scholarship in her name.
3) If you’re wearing a lab coat no one questions you.
4) Everyone and I mean everyone has killer frames here when it comes to glasses. I saw a ninety-year-old man with his grand son who had the most exceptional red frames. If they had had an engine it would have been a Ferrari.
5) Knee high boots and black stretch pants/hose seem to be the uniform of Parisian women. Somewhere there is a country out there with no black hose or knee high boots to taunt their men with because Parisian women have bought them all.
6) Women janitors in France do not wait for you to exit before they start cleaning the restroom. If you act like you’re going to wait for them to leave they will just point at the urinal and go about their duties. You could always tell a Brit or an American just by watching them enter and literally shudder when they would realize how it was all going to go down.
7) Pregnant women sampling wine and no one thinking this to be strange was what I found to be strange.
8) 18-year-old kids sampling wine and looking 14 makes you feel criminal in some regards.
9) 2HOT4U. A KFC promo I always saw in the Parisian Metro. I wonder who thought this to be a good idea or if any thinking was involved at all. Sure, most of them speak a bit of English but think about this, they will read it as deux-o-quatre-oo! The numbers are obvious but they also don’t pronounce the H, ever, plus rarely the last letter, and U will never be thought of as YOU. Great marketing.
10) The Parisians are so thoughtful they dress their roadside stanchions for the cold.
11) Moments you wish you hadn’t missed. Like the naming of the restaurant above. I sincerely hope it was either induced by booze, ignorance, or possibly the nickname of a former/current wife. Either way I feel saddened that I missed his revelation.
12) And lastly, just because you speak French that does not make you hot. It will however give you an extra point on top of what you would be if you simply spoke English. Let’s say you’re reasonably attractive, a 7.5, and now you suddenly speak French you can just bump that up to an 8.5. If you’re ugly you’re ugly but you’re the first to be taken at two in the morning when the lights come on.
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